When you lose a loved you will typically go through five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I have lost two cousins to gang violence and drugs. I have been through all these stages and luckily have found acceptance, I think.

When my cousin overdosed, I honestly didn’t know how to react; I was super close to him. I was stuck in denial for a long time no matter how much I tried to distract myself. For a while I simply tried to forget but a feeling wouldn’t go away. I wasn’t depression, it was anger. I was angry I lost a person I loved so much. I was not to be able to show affection to anyone because I was scared; what if I felt love again and lost them. I wouldn't be able to bare the pain. I hated how the feelings were so overwhelming and so consuming.

When I found out I lost another cousin I was devastated. Making the situation worse was that he was the brother of my cousin who had recently died, making the impact even more damaging.  He was the youngest, sixteen, and he passed away a couple days before my birthday. His loss was unbearable and even today is really hard to talk about. It feels like all my emotions have been rolled up into one giant hurt and there’s nothing I can do about it but sit there with it. I guess, maybe, I haven’t accepted that he is gone. But I’m working on it.

I’ve learned a lot about myself through these losses, like how much I appreciate my family. I understand everyone goes through loss at some point, but no one deserves to have to go through it alone. Talk to someone, write it down like I am here. It may seem like a waste of time at first but, trust me, it’s better than bottling everything up. I know how it feels to be lost and to have lost, don’t let it take away your dignity.