I’ve always felt the presence of a man that loved me, my dad. He is the man I look up to. The man I try to be like. The man I try to make proud through my accomplishments.

After recalling a conversation with a friend, I realized how fortunate I am. My friend's childhood started with an abusive father who ended up kicking him and his mom out. Somehow, he was able to use this experience as motivation to both take care of his mom and live the life he wants to live without a father.

I’ve known Jonathan since middle school. I remember a day we were joking around, and I made a dad joke. Rather than laugh, Jonathan said, “That motherfucker left to get milk and never came back.” I couldn’t tell if he was serious or not because he showed no emotion.

When he told me he wasn’t kidding I was surprised. How could he be so calm and nonchalant about something that personal? He continued to explain “I had a very difficult childhood because my dad would abuse my mom in front of me. From my very first memories, I remember how my dad would beat my mom.”

Jonathan was too young, too small, and too innocent to understand what was going on at the moment; he didn't know how to react. He said he and his mom got kicked out after his dad threatened them, “If you guys don’t leave, I will kill you.” He and his mom were homeless for a while until his grandparents, on his mom’s side, moved to San Diego to help them out.  

I recently asked Jonathan about his dad again wondering if anything had changed. He informed me he still doesn’t talk to him, that they have had no contact at all. “I really don’t know who my dad is, if he’s dead or alive, or where he is,” Jonathan said. Considering my relationship with my own dad, I wondered if Jonathan felt he was missing out.

Jonathan never seems depressed about his circumstance and has never consider it an obstacle. He said, “I do what I do for my mom. My mom was always there for me. Even though she was being beaten she always had a smile on her face for me. She raised me to be the man I am today.”

The most difficult thing for Jonathan about not having a father is that he has to act as the father figure for his younger siblings, “I have to be the dad they never met.” He works hard and is thankful his mom does too. Understanding what they have been through makes me appreciate my parents even more.