9/30/24 - RAGE

I don't understand why I feel this way. I know I'm probably not the only one but It's just so upsetting. How do people think they can get away with talking about someone or trying to be sneaky? Honestly, if it was up to me, I would handle everything with violence because I always feel the need to make a person that hurts me feel physical pain. 

I understand that I have to “control my anger” but sometimes that's the opposite of what I do. Every inconvenience makes my blood boil with anger. I get filled with rage. What upsets me the most is that my eyes fill with angry tears and I can't do half the things I want to do; I will get expelled.

But I don't think about that when I'm upset. All I can think about when I’m mad is revenge, making her feel what I feel. The only thing that goes through my head are questions, “what's wrong with these people? What could I have done to make them act in this stupid way?”

 Compared to last year, I have changed a lot, in a good way. I have learned  to discipline myself, to be a “better person.” But these people want to see me fail and I hate that I let it get to me. 

Some people can be so ignorant. They don’t even know me so why are they doing all this? Just to see me fail? Because they're jealous? They won’t say anything to my face. And once I say something, they get quiet and all of a sudden like they didn't say anything behind my back. I hate that.

 It's a struggle to not show that side of myself but that's not the person I want to reflect. I'm a good person with a short temper. Most of the time I would like to handle things in a violent way, I have to think before I react. I just wish I was patient so that way I wouldn't feel disappointed every time I do something.