My parents had always wanted to have a girl. Because most of my cousins are guys, and because all my siblings are brothers, I think they are disappointed that I am a tomboy instead of the girly girl they wanted. My grandma always tried to buy me dolls I wouldn't play with and pink dresses but I wouldn't were. I looked up to my brothers and cousins who wore dark pants and t-shirts with cars on them, who played with transformers and nerf guns. 

Grandma told me once, "I wanted a granddaughter, not a grandson." I was her only chance and she did not like how I was turning out at all. I didn't think much about it at the time but she still makes comments about me not liking "girly" things. I've started to wonder how it could have been? Would I have been treated differently if I was their "little girl?" It never mattered to my brothers and cousins, I was just there "bro," but the more I thought about it, the more it began to bother me.

I tried acting more feminine, tried to be what my mom and grandma wanted. I grew insecure because of the "tomboy" and "little boy comments" and started to change my appearance and appear more like how my parents had always imagined. I started to feel as though my mom and grandma began to accept me more, to include me in their lives. It kind of makes me sad, that I'm expected to be something I'm uncomfortable with but at least now I don't feel alone. At least now I feel loved.